i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
