you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize