Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
