We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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