i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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