someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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