Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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