I think my vagina is haunted
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
