I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
