I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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