Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
