sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
