There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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