If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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