just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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