So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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