we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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