Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
