Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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