How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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