I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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