What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
