The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
