Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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