She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
