im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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