Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize