Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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