Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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