he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
