these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
