maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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