Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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