I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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