Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
