I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
