We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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