I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
