if i died would you start the facebook group?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
