i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
