tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
