Umm I'm too high to move.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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