Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
