i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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