I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
