Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
