i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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