Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Come on in and take your pants off
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