btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
