My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize