Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
