Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
