Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
