How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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