Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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