Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
