If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize