he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am one with the molecules
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
