Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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