id be glad to
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
