Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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