halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
