We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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