Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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