Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
