I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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