I need help removing her.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
