You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize