Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
