dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
