he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
