You just made me feel so damn special
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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