I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
