every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
