A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
