This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
