i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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