Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
