I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
