Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
