idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
