nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
