Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
