Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
