well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
