put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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