my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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