Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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