69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
