your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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