He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize