theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
