I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
