If that was your dad, he is hot
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize