New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
