Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I intend to get homeless drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
