I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
