I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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