its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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