just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can't just leave with hair like that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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