it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
