I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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