if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to jail i love you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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