dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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